9 Outrageous Toothbrushes for Dental Dilettantes
Maybe we’re overthinking this, but sometimes picking out a toothbrush can feel overwhelming. There are spin brushes, gum massagers, tongue scrubbers. There are soft bristles and firm bristles. Just when we thought we had it all, we found these outrageous toothbrushes. Get your floss ready — these nine will scrub your teeth and blow your mind.
1. Ohso Marko Travel Toothbrush, $20 — It’s not a pen, it’s a toothbrush?! Well, where the ink is the toothpaste? Oh, you store some paste in the handle, and then a small nozzle releases it through the bristles while you brush. Gotcha. But seriously, could this look more like a pen? Get a pocket protector and put the Ohso in it — no one will ever know!
2. Brush&Rinse Toothbrush, $31.50 — “Toothbrush, Now with Fountain Feature,” they brag, if a fountain feature is indeed bragging. We’re sorry, but isn’t a sink a lot like a fountain, too? Is it that hard to turn your head under the faucet? If you have a history of neck injuries, this toothbrush is for you.
3. Eco 41, $46.00, pack of six. — “Sure you take care what you put in your mouth, and are meticulous about using the most natural ingredients. So what are you doing with that impossibly bright, totally plastic toothbrush in your mouth?” they ask in a sad attempt to shame you into buying this brush. It’s made of bamboo mixed with resin, which, as far as we can tell, isn’t all that different feeling than the plastic you’re already using. The bristles can be made of “ultra-natural” pig’s hair or ultra-unnatural polyester.
4. Miswak Stick, $1.99 — This isn’t a toothbrush at all, actually. It’s a stick. But it’s a stick full of natural nutrients and minerals, most of which you would find in your normal toothpaste. And a study in Sweden actually found that the Miswak stick is more effective that normal brushing. So clean your mouth like the Babylonians! You’ll feel just like Gilgamesh.
5. Blizzident, $300.00 — The Blizzident is a 3D printed toothbrush that promises to clean your teeth in six seconds. The idea is simple: your dentist takes a scan of your teeth, determines the right places to put the bristles, and then 3D prints what looks like a mouthguard. You put the mouthguard in your mouth, grind your teeth for six seconds, and voila! You’re clean! We’d love to save some time in the morning. This one is awesome!
6. Toothtunes Toothbrush, $8.97 — If the Blizzident is waaaaaay too quick for you, if you really believe in the recommended two-minute brush time, but you have a hard time keeping track of how long it’s really been, the ToothTunes toothbrush is for you. Your choice of One Direction or Anthem Rock (‘Rock and Roll All Nite’ and ‘We Will Rock You’) will play for two minutes. “Imagine a One Direction concert— in your mouth!”
7. Hooking Toothbrush, $3.75 — The Hooking Toothbrush is “a brilliant solution to the toothbrush storage problem.” …Wait, what? This toothbrush has a hook on the end, so that you can hang it “far away from the gunky residue that plagues bathroom sinks.” Ew. Well, at least they’re pretty!
8. Denticool Finger Toothbrush — This isn’t a toothbrush. It’s a silicon sleeve for your index finger. It bills itself as “the first doubleness silicon toothbrush in the world,” and while we don’t know exactly what that means, it seems super effective. For a finger.
9. Reinast, Titanium Toothbrush, $4,300 — How seriously do you take your oral hygiene? Seriously enough to drop $4,300 on a toothbrush? This titanium toothbrush, whose “undulating curves . . . encompass elegance and sumptuousness,” is the obvious move if you’re really passionate about your mouth. Worried that you’ll miss the feel of that cheap, plastic toothbrush you used to have? Reinast thought of that– they offer plastic bumpers for those unfamiliar with titanium.
— Josh Segal & Justine Sbarra