10 Things That Are Better Than a Summer Holiday
It’s official, summer is finally here!
Of course, for the inhabitants of our little isle, this often means nothing more than a small break in the cloud – at which point we all rush to the closest park to enjoy our fifteen minutes of annual sunshine / burn a pack of Tesco sausages on the BBQ.
It’s no wonder then that so many of us choose to abandon ship altogether, jetting off to far-flung destinations for some much-needed vitamin D.
But at what price?
While dinners on the beach and fruity cocktails may sound appealing – they will also drain your bank account like it’s an aging mobile battery.
So, before you grab your extra large carry-on ready for a fight with the Ryanair luggage basket, let us tell you why you’re financially better off by staying at home (and what you can do with the savings).
A fancy overpriced tourist dinner.
Takeaway pizza. Half the price and can be reheated the next day for breakfast — double savings!
Expensive designer swimwear — that will make you feel bad trying it on and when they ring it up at the checkout.
A fan and a onesie. In the unlikely case that the temperature does rise, you should still be able to snuggle — cool down and then cosy up.
Suitcases of suncream (necessary when your body isn’t used to natural light).
A year’s Netflix subscription! Because TV beats UV anyway.
A £15 watered down cocktail served in a hollowed out pineapple for no apparent reason.
An entire case of your favourite tipple. Consume it in bed, out of a normal glass (with no risk of a novelty umbrella poking you in the eye).
An expensive travel insurance policy with more holes in it than the continental breakfast cheese you will be eating.
An extra large umbrella. All the coverage you could need (get it?), especially if you manage to move your bed outside (which we recommend).
Pre-holiday beauty preparations — a much-resented gym membership and more time than you care to admit getting rid of your winter fuzz.
Extra strong deodorant to hide the fact that you haven’t left the house or showered in a week.
Tacky souvenirs. Novelty shot glasses, key rings, and cringey t-shirts — all of which will end up at the bottom of a cupboard, never to be seen again.
Late night drunken online purchases. Because you have to learn to love yourself before you can learn to love others.*
(*If you are going to drink and buy, we recommend the Casper pillow – a good place to rest sore heads and you have 100 days in case you change your mind.)
Dodgy day trips. Five hours at the local lace factory may seem cultured at the time, but trust us you’ll soon regret it.
A trip to the supermarket for supplies. Because who needs culture when you have a family size pack of crisps?!
Fancy hotels rooms with unnecessary towel swans.
Enough pillow chocolates for the whole year. Just make sure to remember to eat them BEFORE going to sleep to avoid stains on your lovely Casper sheets!
Expensive flights (to see your other half’s family, who you hate).
A Casper mattress and a life of better sleep.