9 Excuses To Go To Bed Early On The Longest Day Of The Year
With the longest day of the year comes unnecessary pressure to ditch your slovenly ways, cancel your glorious plans of doing nothing and generally behave a little bit more like a person who enjoys… *shudder*… “the great outdoors”.
In other words, it’s an absolute nightmare.
But fear not – we have come up with a contingency plan to utilise the extra sunlight in the laziest way possible…
If anyone asks you to come to their BBQ, picnic or, even worse, exercise outdoors – feel free to use any of the following excuses;
1. “Sorry, I’m using the extra hours of sunlight on that solar power charger I bought for Glastonbury five years ago… to charge my computer… which I’ll then watch inside…”
2. “Sounds great, but I morally object to enforced overtime in any profession – and I don’t think making the sun do extra hours, with no spokesperson to protect it, is fair.”
3. “Ah, you see, the thing is, since Twilight I have become very aware of the apparent attractiveness of vampires and I wouldn’t want to do undo all my good work cultivating an Edward-like complexion.”
4. “Thanks, but I am highly aware of the risks of prolonged sun exposure and I chose to negate these by getting none at all.”
5. “Oh I would LOVE to, but I am really excited to use this opportunity to push my blackout blinds to the max – you’ve got to get your money’s worth!”
6. “I am afraid that the instructions for proper care of smartphones are very explicit – stating that excessive heat and direct sunlight are detrimental to the shelf-life of your mobile. I think it would be irresponsible to ignore that.”
7. “As much as that sounds like fun, I have a very strict TV quota that I must fulfil to make my Netflix subscription appear financially responsible to my accountant.”
8. “The thing is, hair grows quicker in the summer and I am trying to save money on shampoo/conditioner/razors by tricking my body into thinking it’s time to hibernate.”
And finally, and most believably…
9. “I own a Casper and there is literally NOTHING that could keep me away from my bed.”
So, if you too want to be left alone to your own devices (by which we literally mean your phone and laptop) then check out the Casper Mattress. Not only will it give you a bonafide reason to stay in bed, but it uses open cell foam to keep you cool while you’re there – no matter the weather outside.