December Sleeposcope: What Your Sign Says About Your Sleep

By Alyse Borkan  |  Dec 7, 2015
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How much do you really know about your sign? Sure, years ago you probably read that if you’re a Capricorn you should steer clear of Aries, and a Taurus could potentially be your soulmate one day. But did you ever consider how your sign affects your sleep?

Are you going to going to have a reoccurring dream about getting fired? Wake up next to an empty box of pizza? Will Mercury ruin all chances of finding a good night’s sleep this month?

Here’s how your zodiac sign influences your sleep:

Aquarius (January 21 – February 19)

You’re a people person, Aquarius, so it’s no surprise that you’re perfectly comfy sleeping on public transit. Catching a few winks on the way home from work can be tempting, but this month you could miss your stop and end up in unexpected territory. Especially when the stranger sitting next to you reacts to you snuggling with them in your sleep. Listen to some upbeat music on your commute instead, and save your in-transit naps for long flights.

Pisces (February 20 – March 20)

Pisces, your romantic nature is one of your better qualities, but remember: timing is everything. If you were thinking of sprinkling rose petals on the bed and chilling champagne on the nightstand, try not to choose a night when your partner’s childhood best friend is visiting. Surprises are delightful, but check the calendar first to avoid a seriously awkward weekend.

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

You’re known for your courage, Aries, so when something goes bump in the night this month, you’ll flip on the light and spring into action. You’ll be both relieved and disappointed to find it’s only the dog, munching his way through your copy of The Goldfinch. Get her a more flavorful chew toy as an alternative for next time. But hey, at least now you have a great excuse for never finishing that book!

Taurus (April 21 – May 21)

True to your Taurean nature, you’ll stubbornly cling to the covers when temperatures dip this month. If you can’t learn to (or want to) share, buy a second comforter to avoid provoking pillow talk. Better yet, invest in a sleeping bag. Zip yourself in and do away with your reputation as a blanket thief, once and for all.

Gemini (May 22 – June 21)

Communication is incredibly important to you, Gemini, and this month you’ll take that to a new level. At first, your partner will find it endearing that you’ve started talking in your sleep. It gets a little weird, though, when you start singing Adele’s “Hello” in what sounds a lot like Spanish — despite the fact that you don’t understand a word of any language other than English. Take it as a sign that you should learn! The new year is a great time to start a new project that broadens your horizons.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

With winter hibernation prep fully underway, you’ll be feeling especially hungry this month. Don’t be afraid to have a midnight snack. There’s nothing wrong with keeping a stash of healthy treats in your nightstand. Just make sure you don’t pick one that’s crunchy. The last thing you’ll want is to wake up your partner and have to share.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

We know you love to take center stage, Leo, but we’re not sure that livestreaming your naps is actually going to generate much income. Need to feed your creative side? Try an improv class instead.

Virgo (August 23 – September 23)

If you schedule naps in your calendar, staple gun your fitted sheets to the mattress, and dry clean your pajamas, you’re probably a Virgo. When your partner decides to eat popcorn in bed this month, take a deep breath and grab a handful. Sure, you’ll be picking kernels out of your hair in the morning, but it’s good to live on the edge of the bed every now and then.

Libra (September 24 – October 23)

You’re great at compromise, so you’re pretty accommodating when your Great Dane, Pomeranian, and partner decide they need a spot under the duvet this winter. It may sound like a good idea, but consider the space constraints. If you’re sleeping on a queen or smaller, you’re probably better off getting a couple of plush pet beds.

Scorpio (October 24  – November 22)

Be sure to wear your nicest pajamas to bed this month. You may even want to consider adding a matching set to your Christmas list. Your partner will get a great shot of you sleeping this month, and Instagram it before you wake. Try not to let it get to you, and resist the urge to get revenge by posting their  junior high school dance pictures on the next #tbt.

Sagittarius (November 23 – December 21)

You’re a born traveler, Sagittarius, and your wanderlust doesn’t stop when your head hits the pillow. Thailand, France, Brazil… you’ve visited them all (in your dreams). Keep a journal of your subconscious adventures, and plan to vacation to the place that comes to you the most frequent.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 20)

Your meticulous bedtime rituals are a natural part of your practical, well-organized personality, Capricorn. This month, resist the urge to starch and iron your pajamas. We promise it’s unnecessary. You may find relief from that stressful recurring dream about filing cabinets though.

Contributed by Kira Garcia

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