Is Your Pet Ruining Your Sleep?

By Alyse Borkan  |  Aug 5, 2014
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We’re not saying Planet of the Apes is real. We know it’s not a documentary. We know there’s no community of hyper-intelligent apes, looking to assert their domain over a cowering group of humans. There are no apes trying to kill us. But we’re a little afraid of a different set of animals: our seemingly innocent household pets.

According to a recent study, our cats and dogs may be trying to ruin our sleep. While we’re not totally convinced, the evidence is persuasive.

Instances of pet-related sleep disturbances have jumped by 1000 percent (1000 PERCENT!) in the last decade. We’ve already touched on the dangers of interrupted sleep, but it seems like maybe our pets have known about that for much longer than we have.

Those cats, dogs, and birds are smart; they’re not going to let us catch on too easily. They don’t do anything too egregious. “Patients experienced irritation,” says the author of the study, who adds that nothing was “intolerably disturbing their sleep.” It’s a long game — pets may just getting more annoying over time, what with their snoring and whimpering and needing to go outside to pee.

But sometimes the pets slip up. Sometimes they do intolerably disturb our sleep. One patient reported that his parrot has been squawking, consistently, at 6 a.m. every morning. Parrots aren’t roosters, yet the parrot continued to act like one.

So, we have to ask, what’s the logical conclusion here? Why have we seen this 1000 percent jump? Why is this parrot so confused? Can dogs really predict the future? Are cats really out to get us? Should we buy more Claritin or switch to Zyrtec? You tell us.

– Josh Segal

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