Your March Sleeposcope, Revealed

By Alyse Borkan  |  Feb 28, 2016
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How much do you really know about your sign? Sure, years ago you probably read that if you’re a Capricorn you should steer clear of Aries, and a Taurus could potentially be your soulmate. But did you ever consider how your sign affects your sleep?

Are you going to have a reoccurring dream about getting fired? Wake up next to an empty box of pizza? Will Mercury ruin all chances of finding a good night’s sleep this month?

Here’s how your zodiac sign influences your sleep:


Your imagination is endless, Pisces. Get inspired this month and make cereal your star subject. That box of Cheerios has been in the back of your pantry for months anyway. Take the stale circles and turn them into cereal art, cereal jewelry, and even cereal-inspired recipes: Cereal Tea, Cereal Cannolis and Breakfast Cereal Fudge. Go beyond the bowl. You never know — cereal could make you the next big thing. Two words: Milk Bar.


March means spring has sprung and you need a new adventure. Dig your sleeping bag out of storage, and sleep under the stars (real stars, not the glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling). Disclaimer: We recommend saving your “real” camping trip until summer and just heading to the backyard. If Mother Nature gets finicky, you’ll still have access to your nice, warm bed. And more importantly, your fridge full of endless late-night snacks.


In the market for new pajamas, Taurus? First, put the thermal onesie in the very back of your closet. Forever. Don’t let your tendency to overindulge result in the purchase of an excessive amount of pairs. A pajama shopping spree is probably unnecessary. Unless you are planning on wearing them to work, in which case, go crazy.


If you love someone, let them sleep. Your habit of pillow talking into the wee hours of the morning is keeping your partner up at night and cranky the entire next day. Skip the late-night debates; your political rants can wait until breakfast. Their coworkers will be spared from having to endure sleep-deprived mood swings.


Cancer, your creativity is meant to be put to use this month. Now that it’s finally warm enough to go to the grocery store sans parka, delete the Seamless app off of your phone and download Pinterest. Type in your favorite ingredient and find a masterpiece meal to satisfy your craving. Spend Sundays eating until you’re sleepy and then sleeping until you’re hungry. Life is too short to fight off the food coma.


We know that you have been crowned the social butterfly, but taking some time to yourself before your busy summer starts is necessary. Pick up the book you’ve been meaning to read, check out the new Netflix series Love, or revisit your old frenemy, the gym. Protip: if you start feeling lonely, remember your friends are only a FaceTime away.


Did you remember to lock the door? Send that email to your boss? Order more toilet paper? If you get in bed only to think about everything that keeps you up at night, watch something funny or read something boring. There’s an endless supply of entertainment on the internet that will clear your mind and put you fast asleep.


Mornings are the worst. Especially for you, Libra. So many decisions, so little time. Grab a bagel or fry up an egg? Stop at Starbucks or dust off the coffee maker? Plan your morning the night before so you don’t have to make these difficult decisions while you are still half-asleep. Lay out your outfit, set the coffee machine, and pack your bag in the PM, so you can hit snooze worry-free in the AM.


Scorpio, your tendency to obsess is interrupting your slumber. “Did I send that email? I didn’t… or did I?” You have to find a way to turn off your brain. Consider watching some “slow-TV.” We bet attempting to watch an 18 hour fishing expedition will put you to sleep in no time. And remember to keep a notepad by your bed, so you can jot down any late night musings that may keep you from resting your mind.


March is the perfect time to get away. We know you’ve been overwhelmed by work, but your vacation days aren’t going to take themselves. Even if you aren’t in college anymore, you can still celebrate spring break like the best of them. Avoid the typical tropical spots if you don’t want to swim with flocks of 19 year olds. We hear Hawaii is nice this time of year.


So you skipped Dry January, Capricorn? If you’ve been spending your weekends waking up hungover, make this month Mocktail March. Nothing pairs as well with Sunday morning pancakes as a Bloody Mary… except a Virgin Mary. If you find yourself missing the afternoon post-brunch buzz, just pick up the craziest caffeinated drink you can find on the menu at Starbucks. A quadruple-shot mocha caramel frappuccino will certainly do the trick.


If February’s seasonal stress threw you into hibernation, March is your month to rise and shine. With Valentine’s Day behind us and Daylight Saving Time coming soon, your days are only getting longer (and better). Whether it’s making breakfast, making the bed, or making up with an old friend, March is your month to spring ahead.

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